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LiMeY
LiMeY Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Mar 24 2005 Anchor

In a good mood and feel like a laugh and cant find a jokes thread on moddb :o

so i made one :d yay me

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A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete check-up. Afterward, the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says. "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man. "How long have I got?" "Ten," the doctor says sadly. "Ten?" the man asks. "Ten what? Months? Weeks? What?!" The doctor interrupts, "Nine..."

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'Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

lol haha

i got a joke too

When Americans first went up into space the astronauts had to write reports, but when they tried to write with a pen the ink floated around so they had trouble writing. So then the Americans spend billions of dollars creating a pen that would write in space. They succeeded, but only to find out that when the Russians went into space, they wrote with pencils.

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|_( hp )¯| p00nst3r

LiMeY
LiMeY Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Mar 24 2005 Anchor

^ ahahahahahaha

A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

Well, it was like this, said the man. I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows.

We went to look for it, and while I was rooting around I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end. I walked over and lifted up the
tail, and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball........stuck right in the middle of the cow's butt. That's when I made my mistake.

"What did you do?" asks the doctor.

Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"

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'Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

lol hahahahhaha

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|_( hp )¯| p00nst3r

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

Pick-up line!!
>>If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was New Years do you think I could visit you between the holidays?

Stupid Jokes!!
>>Why does Santa have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.

>>A guy walks into a bar... ouch.

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Mar 24 2005 Anchor

Ok, here's a pretty gross one. Please note. This joke is for mature people only.

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There's a little boy and his big brother.
The little boy says,"I want to take a shower."
The brother says,"Then go take a shower."
The little boy says,"I'm scared, will you go with me?"
The brother says,"No."
The little boy keeps on asking.
The brother says,"OK, fine."
They finally get into the bathroom and start taking a shower together.
The little boy says,"Can I play with the birdy?"
The brother says,"No."
The little boy keeps on asking, asking, and asking.
The brother keeps on saying no.
Then they finally finish taking a shower.
The little boy goes to bed. And the brother goes to bed.
The little boy get's out of his bed and goes to his brother's bedroom and starts playing with the birdy.
Later, the brother wakes up in the hospital and asks,"What happened."
The little boy is sitting right next to him and says,"I was playing with the birdy and it was squirting white stuff at me. So I bit off the head and it stopped squirting stuff."
===========================================
Hope you liked it :)

PS: This joke was modified a little bit. But still works.

Edited by (in order): Pancitcooker, Pancitcooker

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

omg thats sick.

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|_( hp )¯| p00nst3r

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

How do you make 20 trumpets sound good?
Melt them down into a euphoniam.

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

i dont get it, what does euphoniam mean?

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|_( hp )¯| p00nst3r

TheDebonairNomad
TheDebonairNomad Selectively Ignorant.
Mar 24 2005 Anchor

Why Did the Kid cross the road?
Cause he was told to go run out in the Freeway and see how many cars he could dodge. :devil:

Edited by: TheDebonairNomad

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I'm the Bringer of Death, Fall to your knees and beg for mercy... Or Give me a Sandwich I'm hungry.

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

Time to google. lol

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

Hahaha, Nice. Stupid kid. :P

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

lol i googled it but it didnt come up anything. But I did find euphonium not euphoniAm. It means "A brass wind instrument similar to the tuba but having a somewhat higher pitch and a mellower sound"

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|_( hp )¯| p00nst3r

MajorPest
MajorPest Village Idiot
Mar 24 2005 Anchor

what do you call a bunch of blondes lined up ear to ear?

a wind tunnel...

ShadowDragon
ShadowDragon ShadowLore Co-Leader & Modeler
Mar 24 2005 Anchor

A women walks into a docters office looking for some information. The doctor asks what she is after, and she says she wants to know if you can become pregnant from anal sex. The doctor replies with "Sure you can, where do you think lawyers come from?"

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ShadowLore profile: Moddb.com

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

LOL thats hilarious

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|_( hp )¯| p00nst3r

LiMeY
LiMeY Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Mar 24 2005 Anchor

A cucumber, a pickle, and a penis were all sitting around one day talking about how much their lives sucked. The cucumber said, "Man, my life sucks. Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone cuts me up and puts me in a salad." So the pickle looks at him and says, "You think you have it bad? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, someone puts me in vinegar, puts spices on me, and sticks me in a jar." The penis glared at them both and said, "You guys think you have it rough? Whenever I get big, fat, and juicy, they put a rubber tarp over my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out."

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'Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'

Mar 24 2005 Anchor

lol hahaha thats funny (notice how i say that to all the jokes lol)

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|_( hp )¯| p00nst3r

ShortCutMan
ShortCutMan ♥ Pure ♥ Bred ♥ Geek ♥
Mar 25 2005 Anchor

Hp-P00nst3r: Please stop replying with just you laughing. Its a form of spam, and I will be forced to give you a warning if you don't stop. Thank you.

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98% of the internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 98% that is an emo bastard, copy and paste this into your sig.
User Posted Image

ForK
ForK NEED MORE COW BELL!
Mar 25 2005 Anchor

A man went to the Dr and the Dr said, "Ok you got aids, I need the names of the last 100 guys that rooted ya!" Man says to the Dr, "Piss off mate, I haven't got eyes in the back of me head!"

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i like biscuits

Mar 25 2005 Anchor

lolz thats funny... in a very twisted kind of way :P

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LiMeY
LiMeY Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Mar 25 2005 Anchor

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready, all dolled up, dog put out, etc. The taxi arrives, and as the couple start out, the dog shoots back in the house. They don't want the dog shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the dog out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver:"He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long" he says. "Stupid b*tch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the back yard! She better not sh*t in the vegetable garden again either!"

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Two brothers are sitting in front of the christmas tree. One of them's got a huge pile of presents, the other one's got just a small one. "Could it be", the one with the huge pile of presents says, "that our parents love me more than you?". His brother answers: "Could it be that you've got cancer?"...

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A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette, with a satisfied smile on its face.

The egg, looking a bit ticked off, grabs the sheet, rolls over, and says, "Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question!"

Edited by: LiMeY

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'Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'

LiMeY
LiMeY Brisbane, Queensland, Australia
Mar 25 2005 Anchor

Why I Fired My Secretary

It was my forty-fifth birthday. I knew my wife would say "Happy Birthday." She didn't even say, "Good Morning." I thought, maybe the children will remember. The children didn't say a word.

When I started to the office I was feeling pretty low. As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning boss, Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered.

I worked until noon. Then Janet knocked on my door and said, "You know, its such a beautiful day, let's go to lunch, just you and me." That was the best thing I had heard all day and I agreed. We went to lunch, into the country to a little private place. On the way back, she said, "You know, we don't need to go back to the office, do we? Let's go to my apartment." After arriving there, she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something comfortable."

Sure, I replied excitedly. In about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends. All were singing "Happy Birthday" and there on the couch I sat... naked.

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'Now, I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.'

Mar 25 2005 Anchor

A college professor was doing a study testing the senses of first graders using a bowl of lifesavers.
He gave all the children the same kind of lifesavers, one at a time, and asked them to identify them by color and flavor. The children began to say:

Red............cherry
Yellow........lemon
Green........lime
Orange.....orange

Finally the professor gave them all honey lifesavers.
After eating them for a few minutes none of the children could identify the taste.
"Well"' he said, "I'll give you a clue. It's what your mother might sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror , spit hers out and yelled, "Oh, my God! They're @ssholes!!"

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Whats the difference between a computer and a woman?

A woman dosen't accept 3" floppies.

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Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling.
The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?"
The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in."

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okay those were off my CS Clan forums except for the woman/computer one I heard that from my friend and I thought that was pretty funny lol. :D

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